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bonua's Journal

18 January 1989
I love the feeling I get when I don't eat. I feel so free and light. Thinner is always the winner. And remember to never ever give up on your ultimate goal, because in the end, it will be the most glorious thing in the world.

Height: 5' 1 3/4"

I will be ulitmately and completely happy once I reach my last goal weight. I always tell myself I will stop at there. And I will NEVER gain anymore than 96 pounds.

I was thought to be 'better' for the longest time. (Well 4/5 months, but thats a long time to feel fat) But now I am back acheiving my ultimate goal once again, and this time I WILL not fail.

I developed a self diagnosed eating disorder when I entered my freshmen year of high school. I saw how much prettier the girls were than me. And I wanted to be just as pretty and be able to get just as many guys. I dropped down from 130 to 110, before any of my friends started getting suspisious/not trusting me. When I went into my sophmore year, I was up to 140. Thank god that was the only time I ever weighed that much. I was totally depressed. I lost alot of weight yet again, and my mom made me go see a shrink for my eating habits. Starving myself just wasn't good for her. junior/senior year I managed to be fairly skinny, but still, I had an ED. Obessively exercising, waking up at 1 in the morning to do random prints around the neighborhood so my parents wouldn't find out, and lying about what I eat. But you know? I don't want help. I just want to be left alone, and be allowed to be SKIN AND BONES.