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I haven't been on here in a while... But what I did today made me… - bonua [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[May. 11th, 2008|08:43 pm]
I haven't been on here in a while... But what I did today made me think of this group and all of the people on here, struggling like me. I purged...for the first time this semester. I thought I was doing well...as in getting rid of anorexia, but I guess not. I'm still ashamed at myself for doing it, but at the same time I'm releaved. I've had anorexia since freshmen year of high school, and I thought I got rid of it before freshmen year of college, the first semester. I got a ton of help (as my mom always gets me), but this time it really seemed gone. Being at college...I felt really good about myself. But I guess it's true...what they say, it never really leaves you. Even though I 'got out' of anorexia, I always still counted calories. I think I just lied to myself, telling myself I was cured. The last time I purged was when I went to the frat party (alot of my friends live in a frat house), and I purposly drank over my limit so I would purge unvolentarily. Anyways, today I was forced to eat peanut butter...granted it was only about a teaspoons worth, I felt so guilty about it I went over and forced myself to purge, then afterwards, I cried to myself, because I'm little and pathetic. Anyways...I guess what I'm saying is I'm back on here...on this site. And thats my epiphany.

CW:I haven't looked...no scales at college, and too afraid to weigh myself
LW:110...ish. I've been lower, but I don't know the exact amount
GW:96...as it always has been
Height:5' 1 3/4"